Of Walgreens and Weathertop
by Rosebud5
Summary: What do you get when you have an egotistical Strider, sarcastic Merry, a Walgreens store, and Wraiths with bed-sheets for capes? A parody of Post-Weathertop, of course! Please R&R!


Hey y'all!! So, this is a little Fan-Fiction that's meant strictly for parody and humor! This takes place after the "incident" on Weathertop. But instead of the dramatic dramatics that you get in the movie, this is an almost-a-wee-bit-of-a-Monty-Python-ish-kinda version! HUZZAH!!! *Crickets chirping* Ahem. Erm...just please R&R. XXD

Disclaimer: Guess what?! Great news!! I own _nothing_. Not even the store name of Walgreens. So ha.

**Of Walgreens and Weathertop**

_Prelude: _Once upon a time there was a little hobbit named Frodo. He had a shiny ring that could destroy the world. So he and his gardener and his two obnoxious cousins decided to go to an elvish place named Rivendell to keep it safe after much convincing by an old wizard guy. But on their way, the hobbits met a smelly and sweaty yet egotistical Ranger named Strider who was really an undercover king. So the four hobbits, now accompanied by this complete stranger, began on the journey to Rivendell. However, on their way, they stopped on an old mountain called Weathertop and there Frodo was wounded by some old, evil dudes in black robes most likely made out of bed sheets. So that's where our story begins—when Frodo wakes up after the 'accident,' as the Wraiths later called it when cornered by Gandalf. (Never saw that in the movie, did ya?!)

__________

When Frodo came to, he found the three other hobbits hovering over him like you see in those cheesy ER TV shows.

"He's alive!" Sam announced.

"Thank you, Mr. Duah," said Merry.

"Are you okay Frodo?" Pippin asked, though that was a dumb question seeing how it was obvious Frodo was most certainly _not _fine.

"Oh, yes, I'm alright. I just can hardly breathe, my shoulder is killing me quite literally, and I feel as if I could turn into one of those bed-sheet guys at any moment," Frodo replied. "Yep, I'm doin' fine."

"I'm glad," Sam beamed. "If you're okay then, let's continue on our way." At which point he grabbed Frodo by the arm and tried to pull him to his feet.

"Yeouch!" Frodo cried, falling back on the ground.

"Sam!" Merry scolded. "One should not stand after being wounded by a Wraith for at least an hour."

"No, dummy, that's swimming after eating!" Pippin said.

"Well, Frodo ain't goin' swimming any time soon either," Merry pouted.

"Meh, he was never too good at it anyway," Sam shrugged.

"Look who's talking," Merry retorted.

"Guys!" Frodo called from the ground. The others were too busy to hear him. "GUYS!" Nothing. Frodo thought and then smiled. "Guys, look! Food!"

"WHERE?!" the other three hobbits stopped their bickering and looked around for the afore said 'food.'

"I lied," said Frodo.

The others glared at him. There was a loooong akward pause...

Suddenly, Strider leaped out of the bushes wearing a Superman cape, tights, and boxers. The hobbits screamed and covered their eyes, except for Frodo who couldn't move his arm, so he resorted to squeezing his eyes shut instead.

"_Why_ are you wearing that?!" Sam squealed.

"Because _I'm _a hero! The whole story is really about me, despite popular belief!! After all, I get all the girls, all the credit, and the whole third movie is named after meee!!" Strider boasted. "Plus also, I can heal Frodo!!"

"Really?"

"No." Strider admitted, deflating a little. "But I can get him to Rivendell where Elrond can heal him!"

"Good then," Frodo said. "Would you mind doing so as fast as possible? I am more than slightly in pain, you see."

"Actually, one should not be moved for at least one hour after being wounded by a Wraith," Strider said.

"Told you," Merry whispered to Pippin.

"But how can we help him for the time being?" Sam worried.

"Well, Sam, do you know the Walgreens just down the way?" Strider questioned, pointing down a path.

"Not that one, but we have one in the Shire. Go there for everything. Even Christmas presents!" Sam smiled.

"Good, then. Go to this Walgreens and buy some Tylenol," Strider instructed.

"Tylenol?" Frodo raised an eyebrow. "I don't think that will--"

"Oh be quiet and go back to being all angsty," Strider grouched. He then turned back to Sam. "So go," he said.

"Why can't you?" Sam pouted.

"Why?! Because I am the star and should not have to run petty little errands for myself!" he replied.

"But I thought Gandalf and I were the stars?" Frodo said meekly.

"That was before the director decided I was more important!" Strider said.

"Oh," Frodo sighed. "I forgot."

Now that that was settled, Strider pushed Sam down the path towards Walgreens and then returned to the three remaining hobbits.

"While Sam is doing that, I'll take this opportunity to tell you all about my daring deeds!" he beamed.

Frodo did not want to hear about this guy's 'daring deeds', so he decided it would be a good time to start hyperventilating.

"Shoot," Strider grumbled, turning to Frodo. "I don't know what to do here...So I'll stand in front of the camera and hold a torch and look cool!!" Which he promptly did.

Merry and Pippin also were at a loss for what to do in this situation, so they just sat by Frodo and watched, wishing they had popcorn or possibly Twizzlers.

This lasted for about ten minutes, until finally Sam came running out of the forest holding a white sack high above his head. "I got the Tylenol!" He shouted. He handed the bag to Strider, who took it and handed Sam the torch. (Sam didn't know what to do with it so he stuck it in the ground. It was later reported a fire destroyed that portin of the woods.)

Strider knelt by Frodo and put the bag on the ground by him. When he opened it, he not only found the Tylenol, but also a wide variety of gum and pencils. He turned to Sam and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I took advantage of the situation and got an early start on Christmas shopping," Sam mumbled, kicking the grass.

"Pencils and gum? Really, man, I am ashamed," Strider shook his head. "The least you could do is, like, get a pack of chips or something."

"No, that was last year," Sam replied.

Strider rolled his eyes and opened the medicine. "Frodo, can you hear me?"

"Duah. I'm wounded, not deaf," Frodo grumled.

"Oh," Strider said. "I'm glad to hear that. Then what I'm going to do is give you a Tylenol. I hope it will help. If not and you fade, I shall _officially_ be the star and so it will work out nicely."

"Thanks for the encouragement," Frodo said. "I feel ever so much better now."

"I'm glad," Strider said. He then gave Frodo a Tylenol. The only problem is he forgot to give him water with it so it kind of go stuck half-way down. but seeing how Frodo was having trouble breathing anyway, nobody really noticed.

Eventually, an hour had passed, so they figured it would be safe to move Frodo (or take him swimming, for that matter). So, they tossed him on top of a pony and began making their way towards Rivendell while dramatic background music blared so loud they couldn't hear themselves think. Well, actually, they could. And here's what they were thinking:

Pippin: _I wonder if they have food in Rivendell? Maybe glazed ham or possibly candy canes?_

Merry: _I told them you were supposed to wait an hour._

Sam: _I like pie._

Frodo: _I hope they have a black-bed-sheet-robe-thing small enough for me._

Strider: _I AM THE STAR!!!!!  
_

The End

Tehe! Well, I hope you liked it!! I had fun writing it, at least. ;D

Well, all I can say is **REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! **Thanks!!

Long live Walgreens! XXD

PS: If you're an Strider fan, please know I mean no harm in my bashing of him in this fic. It's purely for parody sake. ;D

~Rosebud5


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